Baby Sleep Training – Your 101 Expert Guide
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Usually, when parents come to me, they’re exhausted, sleep-deprived, and at their wits end. “Why won’t my baby sleep?”, “What am I doing wrong?”, “Is there something wrong with my baby?”
We’ve all been there and asked those questions – I know I have!
However, when the solution of baby sleep training comes up, it’s a knee jerk reaction to push against it. After all, no one likes to hear their baby cry.
In fact, research suggests that crying is one of the biggest barriers parents have for not even attempting baby sleep training or for giving up easily.
It’s totally understandable. It’s human instinct to soothe the tears away when they wake. So we automatically pick them up. But this can create associations that are not sustainable long term.
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Sleep doesn’t always come easy
Although sleep is a biological necessity, it’s often something that doesn’t come quite as easily to babies as us parents would hope.
That’s because, when babies are born, their sleep is neurologically immature and disorganised. This means they cannot self-regulate or self soothe.
Once their circadian rhythm has developed and clear sleep cycles emerge, we can 100 per cent nurture how our babies sleep. This is done by developing great sleep habits with good sleep hygiene, positive sleep cues, realistic routines and expectations, and consistent settling.
If your little one is not getting the consolidated sleep they need for health, behaviour and development, and the rest of the family is suffering from the effects of sleep deprivation, baby sleep training is definitely a journey worth taking!
What is baby sleep training?
Baby sleep training is about your bub learning the skills to fall asleep without any help from you.
It’s not purely about implementing a settling technique and hoping for the best. At Snug Bug Sleep Solutions, sleep training involves a holistic approach looking at new routines and strategies, settling tools, positive sleep associations, environmental factors, and more. It doesn’t mean leaving your little one to cry it out all night alone! Phew.
Go it alone or use a baby sleep consultant?
Whether you decide to go it alone or engage the help of a baby sleep consultant like me, the decision is entirely up to you. There’s a lot of overwhelming information out there, which becomes even more overwhelming when you’re struggling with sleep deprivation!
Every baby is different in terms of temperament, sleep environment, and neurological ability. Every family is also different. That’s why there are so many sleep books around. If there were one right approach, there would only be one book!
I recommend engaging a baby sleep consultant to support you through your journey (of course!). Us consultants have read the books, done the research, and taken the guesswork out to help you practically put the strategies to good use.
Even if you have some idea of what you need to do, it still helps to have information broken down or shown to you. Unlike a book, we can answer questions and are readily able to change course mid-week or tweak routines as needed, to suit you, your baby, and your family.
Sometimes strategies that have worked time and time again suddenly no longer work, leaving you at a loss.
The scope of our training and experience enables us to see the changes that need to be made, spot errors that need fixing, and ultimately, help you with your baby.
When can you begin baby sleep training?
As mentioned above, infants are born neurologically immature, so baby sleep training techniques aren’t recommended before four months.
In my professional opinion, the perfect time to implement sleep training is around 4-6 months. This age range is the sweet spot as the circadian rhythm has matured, and babies have clear day and night sleep cycles.
Not responding to your child at night is most difficult for parents as it may not be clear whether your baby is hungry or not. Between 6-8 weeks and four months, some though not all, babies might be hungry and need to be fed 2-3 times a night. After four months, only once or twice, and after nine months, they shouldn’t need an overnight hunger feed. So, you can rest assured knowing they’re not waking from hunger.
By implementing good sleep hygiene early, you’re laying great foundations for healthy long term sleep.
Is baby sleep training necessary?
If bub is napping well through the day and sleeping well overnight, only waking for feeds without keeping you up for hours, no!
But, if you’re sleep-deprived, and constantly rocking or feeding your little one to sleep for naps, bedtime and overnight waking, you may want to reconsider the effect these sleep associations have on the quality of sleep, your little one and the rest of the family.
The first step is acknowledging that changes need to be made and reaching out for a solution. If you’re struggling with your little one’s sleep and trying to figure out whether sleep training is the right solution for your family, give me a call, and we can discuss your little one’s sleep issues.
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Benefits of baby sleep training
If you relate to the undesirable side of the above, there are many different reasons why baby sleep training is worth a go.
Not only does sleep training teach your baby to fall back asleep when they inevitably wake up overnight, but it also improves baby's sleep quality. It even increases the secure attachment between our bubs and us.
When it comes to naps, your bub being able to consolidate sleep cycles on their own will also prevent chronic overtiredness.
And, of course, it can make us feel like happier parents as we also get more sleep, worry less and see improved physical and emotional health!
Baby sleep training methods explained
Controlled crying, cry it out, extinction, graduated extinction, fading, pick up/put down are some of the termed baby sleep training methods. Knowing which approach is best for your baby and your family can often be daunting.
Often parents aren’t well informed or misinformed about the risks and benefits and exactly how to implement sleep training strategies. The digital age means many rely on social media posts for a clear answer on how to sleep train their children.
There are various methods, from no cry to cry based strategies. It’s important to remember that there will be some crying with any sleep training method, as crying is the only way a baby knows to communicate with us.
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Extinction/cry it out – The Weissbluth Method
Extinction, sometimes called unmodified extinction, is based on the following approach:
You put your baby down for a nap and don’t get them up until 1 hour has passed.
Once your baby has been put to bed for the night, don’t return to them until they reach an age-appropriate feed time or morning. This allows them to develop self-soothing skills. Unless, of course, they’re sick, hurt or in danger.
Some people refer to this as Cry It Out (CIO), but it’s not just about crying. It’s about establishing a conducive sleep environment, age-appropriate nap times, solids, self-settling and everything that leads up until bedtime.
The process usually only takes three to five nights, with crying spurts getting shorter and shorter. Weissbluth states that parents who don’t see a rapid improvement usually don’t have all the elements in place, or there are other inconsistencies in their approach.
There is often less crying with this technique than with other methods due to the consistency of this technique – there’s no confusion for baby or parents.
However, the Cry It Out baby sleep training method can be distressing for both baby and mama (and anyone else in earshot). Just hold tight!
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Gradual extinction/spaced soothing/controlled crying – The Ferber Method
While Ferber's approach allows your baby to figure things out for themselves, it’s not the same as Weissbluth's approach.
The Ferber method has your baby falling asleep without you in the room, but you check in on them at set intervals until they fall asleep. This works to reassure you that a) they’re okay and b) to reassure them that you’re still there to support them.
For example, on night one, you go back after 3 minutes, then 5 minutes, then 10, 10, 10, and so on until your baby falls asleep. On night 2, you go back after 5 minutes, then 10, 15, 15, 15. Each night, the intervals get longer and longer until you get to the point when they’ve fallen asleep before it is time to go back in.
When doing check-ins, it’s best to try and settle your baby in the cot using limited touch or voice to soothe and reassure – don’t do the job for them. Verbal sleep cues such as “sleep time now” and “time for night, night” can be helpful.
The Ferber approach can still be hard for many parents, but like the Weissbluth method, it should give you significant results within 3 - 4 nights with consistency.
If your baby's temperament is suited to it, this strategy tends to work a little faster than more gentle methods. However, you must be confident with leaving your baby to cry for increasing periods of time.
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Gradual withdrawal
This is a gentle sleep training method where you stay in the room, supporting your baby in learning to fall asleep with more independence. But not doing too much to overstimulate them and delay the process of them falling asleep.
You set the chair right next to your baby’s cot and sit in it after putting your baby down, drowsy but awake. When your baby cries, you can verbally reassure them.
Aside from the fact you're still in the room, what distinguishes this method from Ferber and Weissbluth is that you can reassure your baby by rubbing his belly or back or even picking him up if he becomes too upset. However, if you pick him up, you should only hold him for a minute or two to calm him down before returning them to their cot, still awake.
This process is repeated as long as it takes for your baby to fall asleep. Then, every two or three nights, you move your chair further and further away from the cot until, at some point, you’re offering reassurance outside of the room.
This method may appeal to parents who don’t want to leave their crying baby however is time consuming, particularly if you have other little ones to look after as well. On the other hand, though some parents may find it difficult to be present in the room without constantly picking up the baby.
While this is a gentle method, you’re changing how they’re accustomed to falling asleep and should still expect some crying.
Pick up/put down
In the pick up/put down baby sleep training method, you use your presence, voice, touch and pick-ups (which turns into put down/put down around 8 - 9 months) to put bub in a calm state in their cot, enabling them to fall asleep independently.
There is crying in this method. It’s just that you’re catching your baby’s discomfort within moments, ideally before full-on wailing develops, and your baby isn’t crying himself to sleep.
This method works very well for babies who are very accustomed to being helped to sleep with feeding, rocking or holding, are not yet very independent or happy to play by themselves, like to be held rather than placed down on the floor, and calm down quickly when picked up.
How long does baby sleep training take?
I’m not going to lie. There’s no quick fix or magic fairy dust! It can take up to 21 days to change behaviour. But with consistency and the right settling method for your baby's temperament, you could see improvements within the first week.
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The crying – and how to cope with it!
Every baby sleep training method involves some tears—whether they’re yours and/or your baby’s!
It’s important to remember that crying is a form of communication, and your baby will be communicating to you that they’re unhappy and confused about the change. They’ll be frustrated that they can’t fall asleep and will be tired.
The short term pain is definitely worth the long term gain! Most babies and families can make it through three or four nights of intermittent crying. After that, they’ll be so much better off in the long run. They feel well-rested, saner, and able to enjoy life together without the heavy dread of bed time battles weighing on their minds.
But the crying part is still a hard sell, even with months of sleep deprivation – I get it.
What finally clicks is the realisation that moving forward is better than what’s going on now. The worry and fear that the crying will cause some ominous problem in the future get washed away by the realisation that chronic sleep deprivation for you and your baby is a problem now – a huge, life-altering, emotionally exhausting problem, and it needs to be fixed!
For months now, you’ve been helping your baby fall asleep because it seemed natural or was easiest, or there didn’t seem to be any other way. But in the process, it’s kept them from figuring out how to do it independently.
Your baby wants to learn, needs to learn, and perhaps now is the time to stop thrusting ourselves in the way as a crutch and simply get out of her way.
Parenting is a delicate, heartbreaking dance of holding our children's hands and letting them go.
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It’s okay (for baby) to cry
Don’t worry, crying isn’t going to damage your baby or their mental state.
In fact, studies have shown that “behavioural sleep techniques did not cause long-lasting harms or benefits to the child, child-parent, or maternal outcomes”.
On the other side, The American Academy of Paediatrics identifies three types of stress response. And controlled crying in a stable environment is a positive stress response – a kind of stress response that is a growth-promoting element of normal development and helps bub learn.
Some final words of advice for success!
Things won’t fall into place after night one. It generally takes 21 days to change behaviour, so be patient.
Be ready for change and remain consistent with your chosen sleep training method - I cannot stress this enough!
Have minimal commitments for at least two weeks. So, if you have a holiday planned or are moving house, I recommend waiting until after.
Be prepared for some crying, tantrums, sleep refusal, emotions, and possible sleep disturbance for a few nights. This is completely normal.
Remember that every baby is different, and some may take longer than others due to age, stage and temperament.
There may be some setbacks along the way as you’re adjusting the way your little one is used to falling asleep – also a completely normal response during sleep training.
There will be some level of crying with any sleep training method, as crying is the only way your little one knows how to communicate with you.
If you’re struggling with baby sleep training or want some tailored support along the way, book your free 15-minute consultation today. We’ll help you have your little one loving their shut-eye in no time.